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well i guess that i just don't know's Journal

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

[ << Previous 25 ]

 

 
  2002.10.27  12.51
i want to be ramona quimby

so i've had this journal for about a year now
i think it's time i change it.

new phases, new faces

[info]hellyes.



Mood: tear it apart
Music: growing up and giving in
 
 

(9 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.27  01.19


dude, THE RING is such a scary movie
i was totally screaming my head off the whole time
i never do that
then again, i never see movies in theaters either



Mood: TERRIFIED
Music: the beatles:hey jude.
 
 

(19 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.26  02.35
let's pour out in the streets and yell and sing

haha, this is the coolest thing that has happened to me in a while. this dorky kid replied to this post making fun of me or something. when i read the comments today i knocked my drink over on the computer desk laughing.
the best part is this kid (about 2 months ago) left like a million creepy messages like "i have an aunty who lives in michigan,if ever i visited id like to meet," and i was really mean to him. wah ha ha.
anyway, i remember like a year ago telling someone that you know you at least have a personality if somebody hates you for it. so that's cool. anyway, i thought it was funny.



Mood: cheerful
Music: the broadways. this routine
 
 

(48 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.25  00.51
this is how i think

 

real secrets are never whispered: only screamed.



Mood: tell me a secret
 
 

(21 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.24  16.41
gemma + chris = rockin it




so, who are you?



i'm a winner



Mood: wah ha ha
Music: long nights, hard times!
 
 

(19 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.24  00.24
break into fragments of noise

 

i went to the red wings game!



Mood: smooth
Music: let yourself get used
 
 

(2 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.22  21.25


cool, this is where i fucking live. wonderful.

i dont like anything )



Mood: enraged
Music: "i'm against it" . the ramones
 
 

(7 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.20  00.46
stuck to the roof of my mouth with a staple

i dont even want to go to college anymore. and i cant even explain it, or the problem, cos i know if did, nobody would understand me at all, everyone would think i was a fucked up spoiled brat. i don't know what to do, i really don't.



Mood: gloomy
Music: only the good die young
 
 

(8 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.19  04.08


today i got two lovely letters in the mail, one from my friend jared, and one from muna. letters are the coolest ever.

tomorrow i am playing hockey and going to this art show in detroit: degas and the dance. it should be sweet.

i like taking two art classes this year. it makes me less stressed and brings out my creative side.

i feel pretty overwhelmed right now, but i know that i can't let up, because my mother is hovering, waiting for me to give up, wimp out, and run crying back to her. i can't do that, because i'll be back to day one. so it's on for now.



Mood: artfag
Music: small brown bike:the cold
 
 

(but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.16  17.25
childhood innocence:

apparently there is a squirrel out on the road somewhere, covered in blood.

vikas: this lady moved him over to the side of the road, and he keeps trying to move up the curb. but he will be okay.
kiran: but he's covered in blood. no he won't.
vikas: yes he will! he'll be fine.


vikas wore a "detroit science center" shirt today.

vikas: and mark saw my shirt and he loves science and he yelled "science science science science!"
my mother: vikas, that's because he's autistic.
vikas: no mom, he just really likes science.

vikas, age eight:

my favorite person



Mood: worried
Music: the lawrence arms - #10 on ghost stories
 
 

(12 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.13  22.52
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

alkaline trio is sold out.
that sucks so fucking bad.
that dumb show was my beacon of light.

too bad my mother wouldn't take me to go get tickets.
what else is there to say?
i'm really sad.
sorry amyface.

yeah, and saves the day/piebald is sold out too.

last resort:
does anybody have a ticket to sell?



Mood: gloomy
Music: the doors . "hello i love you"
 
 

(8 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.11  00.46
everything is just dirt

 

currently avoiding everything possible.


i feel like the king in that myth, dionysius. always having a knife hanging over my head, hanging by a horsehair. the horsehair that could pull apart at any second. that horsehair is my life, and his head is mine. wonderful.



Mood: wan
Music: "sweet jane" velvet undergound
 
 

(16 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.07  22.05
let's walk home, let's be afraid

 







Mood: moody
Music: "you've got so far to go" alkaline trio
 
 

(4 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.04  00.52
living alone is nice



which of [info]kuukiis friends are you?

what the!



Mood: charlotte deva megan
Music: you've got so far to go
 
 

(11 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.10.03  02.53
maybe tomorrow

my family went to florida until sunday. my mom let me stay home alone (until this weekend), as part of her "i don't care about you" regime(n). this usually never would have happened. weird. but anyway, the silent house is nice.

today teresa ran over my foot with her car. it really hurt, but afterwards i laughed about it. my favorite flip flops got ripped, so i went to fourth hour with one shoe on. haha.

nothing else to say. i'm continually tired.



Mood: exhausted
Music: an evening of extraordinary blah blah i'm tired
 
 

(but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.27  18.10
this is our year for sure

my first contact sheet:


my senior quote ended up being:

to understand mankind, look at the word "mankind." it's two separate words - "mank" and "ind." what do they mean? it's a mystery... and so is mankind.
-jack handey
(i shortened it)

i wanna play football tonight. and run around in the cold air, with the wind making my cheeks red. i love autumn.



Mood: calm
Music: 100 resolutions. the lawrence arms
 
 

(15 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.18  16.43
i know cos you told me last weekend

 

current phrase to live by: why bother.



Mood: dull
Music: alkaline trio:snake oil tanker
 
 

(11 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.16  21.01
my dad and brother are back from india! (after a month)

 
my MOTHER is the most poisonous person i know.



Mood: shocked
Music: my mother is hitler
 
 

(4 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.15  01.30
you've lost that loving feeling!

we went to see the righteous brothers for free.
it was righteous.
haha.


weird: today my mother got in a big fight over something stupid. and she won't talk to me anymore because i called her a bitch (i guess that means i haven't yet called her one?)
so she's like "i am trying to keep as little as possible relationship with you right now"
so she won't talk. and when i ask her if i can do something, she just says "do whatever you want"
i think she wants me to feel really guilty.
...
instead i am using my new-found freedom to the fullest.
might as well, before she gets a grip, stops acting dramatic, and punishes me for getting "out of control"

the new "apathetic" attitude is kind of unnerving though.
but i guess that's her point.



Mood: uncomfortable
Music: the pixies:alec eiffel
 
 

(9 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.13  01.48
tired of being bored, i'm through with the headaches

 
school is school once again.
(unneeded stress)
school takes your brain off of everything except tomorrow's test, or tonight's homework, or something stupid and insignificant in the scheme of things.
i dont know whether to laugh or cry.

i got a haircut wednesday. it looks horrible.

my mother and i aren't on speaking terms,
unless she tells me to do the dishes or take out the garbage
i didn't eat the dinner she made today
i'm trying to be more independent
(which of course means i forgot to eat dinner)

i'm so fucking tired i can't even see the screen right
(eyes crossed with fatigue)
get me out of here



Mood: horribly discontent
Music: something matt skiba something, my head hurts
 
 

(11 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.11  19.39
about anything, and not just today.

"have you forgotten yet?...
look up, and swear by the green of the spring that you'll never forget."

-siegfried sassoon 1919.

(it was written on the ceiling, english class)



Mood: i like this quote
Music: brick wall views
 
 

(2 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.10  18.03
out of gas, out of road

 


this morning i found my dad's old tie on my floor
so i used it as a belt



Mood: innovative
Music: modest mouse:out of gas
 
 

(26 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.08  15.53
obnoxiousness.

camden and i made a list.

bands that are embarrassing to admit you like / bands that suck:

1. dashboard confessional
2.the get up kids
3. bright eyes
4.the hives
5. the white stripes
6. the strokes
7. anti-flag
8.thursday
9. saves the day
10.the donnas
11.the offspring
12.AFI
13. hey mercedes
14.hot rod circuit
15. new found glory
16.pansy division
17.something corporate
18.rage against the machine
19:allister
20. green day
21.blink 182
22. planes mistaken for stars
23. fenix tx
24:system of a down
25: finch
26:the locust
27: savage garden
28: the blood brothers
29:simple plan
30: the ataris
31:avril lasagna
32:troys bucket
33. dave mathews band
34. matchbox 20
35. incubus
36. boxcar racer
37. ok go
38. linkin park
39. slipknot
40. taking back sunday
41. new weezer
42. the vines
43. U2
44. the casualties
45. mxpx
46. jimmy eat world
47. nine inch nails
48. red hot chili peppers
49. crazy town
50. danzig
51. eve6
52. coldplay
53. further seems forever
54. michelle branch
55. michael bolton
56. bad religion
57. reel big fish
58. five iron frenzy

i did the odds, camden did the evens. after a while we just stopped because we got sick of hating on bands. it gets boring. i dont agree with every single one of them, for the record.
it was fun being a bitch for a while.


feel free to add yr own / start fights.



Mood: amused
Music: the ramones - beat on the brat
 
 

(45 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.08  03.10
at dawn a little bird blessed me

bottle of beer + kerouac
it didnt mean anything



Mood: unwise
Music: nothing
 
 

(8 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



 
  2002.09.05  23.18
sound system sound system

i could kiss that face



Mood: restless
 
 

(2 missed chances to live ... but isn't that the way it always is?)



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